Write If You Get Work

Will this really be my one and only blog entry for the entire month of November? I’m truly sorry about that, but the irony of the very concept of this website has now struck me. It’s here mainly to keep people updated about what I’m working on, yet when I have a project going, I don’t have the time to write and tell everyone all about it.

There’s a big fat deadline looming on the miniseries I’m writing half of, and time is limited. It can be difficult thinking up new and more gruesome ways for the criminal underworld to whack each other so television programming can spiral further down the drain of sex, violence and degradation. I hope, once it’s all in the can and broadcast over the airwaves, that what I’ve spent so much time and effort on will shock and horrify the viewing audience — and maybe corrupt a child or two who stayed up past their bedtime. But who am I kidding? We’re competing with reality TV and pay-per-view porno. Our stab at the form will barely make a ripple compared to the time Dipsy anally raped Tinky-Winky in a very special episode of Teletubbies.

Last weekend, I took exactly fifty-four hours off to run to Toronto for my father-in-law’s birthday bash. I don’t really have a free moment to describe the spectacle of all those ex-hippie baby boomers descending on an unsuspecting deli to eat mounds of greasy meat in an Atkins orgy and then sing flower child anthems from their drug-hazed past while a former Ontario premier (NDP of course) played keyboard. Hopefully enough photographic evidence will surface to prove this even happened. However, I can direct you to this interview with my father-in-law that happened largely because of my website. After surfing to Canuxploitation through one of my blog links, Bob found a couple of errors in their review of My Bloody Valentine, a flick he produced back in the day. A phone interview about his years in the trenches of Canadian cinema resulted. Bob called me a couple of weeks ago to let me know it was up, and then proceeded to tell me all the stories he couldn’t tell the Canuxploitation guy. I guess we’ll just have to wait for the book.

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