I was eight years old when I wrote my first hardboiled crime story.

It was about a police detective investigating the disappearance of a pregnant woman. At the end of the story he discovers she was murdered by her lover, who pushed her in front of a subway train. The impact had so thoroughly obliterated her body, the detective only deduces what happened by running his fingers across the lip of the platform and discovering the greasy crimson film of old blood.

This is what I thought happened to people when they fell in front of a subway train when I was eight years old. I know better now. In grislier detail than you would probably care to hear about.

I wish I still had the notebook with that story, and whatever horrified comments my teacher made in red marker across the margins. I wonder what sort of grade I got for it.

If any little boy wrote a story like that today, they’d have him jacked up on Ritalin and in for psychiatric evaluation so fast…

But it was the ‘70s, so they let it slide.

Now here I am today, over forty years later, still writing hardboiled crime stories. And I look at some of them and think, “This is not the product of a healthy mind.”

I’m about to publish twenty more shorts in the same vein. Some have me slightly concerned that authorities may be summoned to bring me in as a potential danger to myself or others.

If you would be so kind…

Do me a favour and back my Patreon page for a token dollar and give the ten preview stories I’m posting there throughout October a read. Let me know if you think the men in white are likely to show up at my door with a straightjacket and a syringe full of sedatives.

Petty Crimes and Vindictive Criminals is scheduled for release in November. My previous collection of twisted noir tales, Raw and Other Stories, is available on Amazon for Kindle, Kindle Unlimited, and in paperback.

Heed my cries for help before they lock me away in a padded room where I’ll have to write my next book on the walls of my cell with my own bodily fluids.

Lines on a Map

After his previous appearances in the anthologies Raw and Other Stories and Locked and Loaded, legendary fixer Derek Dunlan returns in an all-new adventure of extreme problem solving for the worst elements of the criminal underworld. Just remember, before you call him in to handle things: he’s the nuclear option. https://www.patreon.com/shanesimmons


Y’know, I’m way too mild-mannered a man to be writing fiction this mean and hard-boiled. I’m reminded of one producer who looked at my draft of a gangster miniseries we were worked on and commented something along the lines of, “You’d never know it to look at him, but sweet Jesus…”

I guess I have issues.

Go to https://www.patreon.com/shanesimmons now and read this and other noir-as-fuck stories for only a buck. Six more to come over the next two weeks, all for the one-dollar pledge.

Batman Day Cancelled by Costumed Madman

I was expecting it to be lame. I was not disappointed.

If you watch this promo video for the event, it looks like the other participating cities had a lot of fun with Batman Day a couple of weeks ago, celebrating the 80th anniversary of the character.

Montreal, true to form, fucked it up.

It’s all been forgotten and swept under the rug by now, but after trudging downtown and into the fray, I thought it was worth documenting our local embarrassment. So I covered the fiasco for Bleeding Cool. The article is up now, and you can read it here.

Meanwhile, this begins tomorrow.

Dimestore Crime Stories

Petty Crimes and Vindictive Criminals is the next book I’m releasing in Q4 of 2019.

Like Raw and Other Stories before it, this will be another twenty crime stories, brimming with good stuff like sex, violence, dark comedy, and content that sometimes skirts the edge of outright horror.

That’s something I have planned on the one hand…

On the other, there’s my neglected Patreon page. Ever since the early whales migrated to warmer waters, the number of backers has hit a new low that’s kind of embarrassing.

Here’s my solution…

Throughout the month of October, I’m going to be premiering ten of the stories slated to appear in Petty Crimes and Vindictive Criminals on my Patreon page. These will all be originals that have never appeared anywhere in any form before this. And I’m going to be offering access to all ten of those stories for backers at the $1 tier. That means you can read these stories for a grand total of ten cents per story—kinda like the crime-fiction magazines of old.

You can cancel at any time after that, but hopefully you’ll stick around for a buck a month, just so I don’t have to look at such sad subscriber numbers anymore.

Check out the other tiers to see if you might want to up your pledge. For the duration of this promotion, I’m offering new backers at the $25 level signed paperbacks of both Necropolis and Epitaph. And if you stick around at that level, you’ll also receive a paperback copy of the forthcoming Petty Crimes collection featuring all twenty stories. The $25 tier is like having a subscription to all my future books, so the longer you maintain that pledge, the more books you’ll receive.

Now that I’m set up in the new office, I’m hammering away at the keyboard, and there are plenty of strange and interesting adventures in the pipeline. Get your first taste this Friday on my Patreon page.