Trapped At Home For The Holidays

The television miniseries I’m co-writing progresses, a first draft has been delivered, and my long absence from this site is over. At least for this weekend. I might be back at it by tomorrow, and then all through the holidays. Joy to the world. Oh well, at least it beats writing for children’s television.

It seems like this one project is all I’ve been doing, but that’s not accurate. It’s merely been occupying my every waking thought. The problem with being a writer — as opposed to being a plumber, brick-layer, or barkeep — is that you never get to go home after work and turn the job off. It’s always with you, eating at your brain. The only job I can think of that might compare is a gynecologist. A male heterosexual gynecologist. It’s female genitalia all day at work and then, like the rest of the heterosexual male population out there, it’s female genitalia on the brain all night.

This is why so many writers drink. Not to forget, but to stop thinking entirely. Being a novice drinker myself, I mostly have to rely on video games to numb me. At least until I develop a serious substance abuse problem.

And speaking of drunks and junkies…

This week in world news, Bush finally found Canada on a map and decided to pay us a visit for the first time since he became president a million years ago. He dropped by Ottawa (the capital) and Halifax (the capital of drinking) in a whirlwind tour that went by so quickly, the army of protesters didn’t even have time to catch a chill in their designated civil disobedience zones. With Canada-U.S. relations at their lowest ebb since the War of 1812, this first state visit by the Bush White House poses a serious question for our two nations in these times of crisis. Namely, why can’t Halifax ever blow itself up when it might actually do some good?

If you’re wondering why it’s been so long since there’s been any new Movies in Longshot, it’s because I wanted to revamp that section so it would be a little easier to navigate. The newest entries now all appear on the top, with an archive below that arranges the previous strips alphabetically. I know that’s not much of an excuse for the lack of new material, but now that things are all orderly, I feel comfortable rolling out my latest cinema adaptations. Once again, there will be a new one each week, starting today and ending whenever I run out — which probably won’t be next week, or even the week after that. So drop by regularly.

And as I get back into the swing of things here, one of my priorities was to update the month’s worth of Wednesday Movie Night screenings I’ve fallen behind on. My one social indulgence each week, this has at least kept me in practice when it comes to watching movies. Otherwise I’m woefully behind in my viewing habits, despite the deluge of eBay imports that keep showing up on my doorstep, beckoning, “Shane, stop working for a living and come watch us. Watch us. Watch us…” I’d really feel better about the DVD backlog around here if I could only take off a month and watch five movies a day, every day. That would truly make my holiday special.

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