It’s official. Ambiguity in popular culture died today after a lengthy illness. After years of damaging attacks by the media, consumers and hack writers, it was taken off life support earlier this week when J.K. Rowling removed the respirator and David Chase pulled the plug on the pace maker.

Rowling, somewhat famous for her success elevating derivative plagiarism to a high art and a higher bank roll, recently announced that Albus Dumbledore of the Harry Potter series is gay. Aside from giving new meaning to the term “headmaster,” this also marks the first time a major author has outed one of their fictional characters, thereby removing the need for speculation, debate, or any sort of imagination on the part of her readership.

In an unrelated incident, David Chase went on record about the notorious cut-to-black ending of his HBO series, The Sopranos. Concluding that any amount of discussion or interpretation by fans of the show was needlessly contrarian to nail-on-the-head, no-room-for doubt, bloody-fucking-obvious American television, Chase explained what it all meant to a spoiler-obsessed public, thereby removing any need for them to examine the content of the shows leading up to this ending or think for themselves.

Ambiguity is survived by its two children, Nuance and Subtlety, neither of which is expected to survive to year’s end. In lieu of flowers, mourners may send hate mail to J.K. Rowling and David Chase instead.

Yes, ambiguity is dead. Or perhaps not. There remains a doubtfulness or uncertainty as regards the interpretation of said concept.