Enter just about anything into a search engine and you can come up with porn. It’s happened to all of us, much to our chagrin or delight, depending on our mood or morality of the moment. You might go looking for My Little Pony merchandise and end up with photos of crack whores sucking off a mule. We know that shit’s out there, but it can catch us off guard when it shows up on our screen unexpectedly. Sometimes these surprises can go beyond simple porn.

I’d never been to a white supremacist web site before. But I got directed to one after a perfectly innocent research query in Google produced what I thought sounded like a promising discussion thread. I nearly made it all the way through one post before I said, “Wait a minute… This isn’t your usual garden-variety, knuckle-dragging, internet-forum hate rant.” Most anonymous posters out there these days seem to want anyone who disagrees with them to drop dead. These guys would like to see everyone else dead too. Just to be safe.

I couldn’t resist the urge to read what pearls of wisdom such great intellects had to offer about current events and the state of the world today. But any thoughts I had about checking out a political message board got completely sidetracked when I saw the movie forum. How could I resist? At least it’s a topic I know something about.

Or at least I thought it did. It seems these guys appreciate cinema on a whole new level that never even occurred to me.

I didn’t realize, for instance, that Resident Evil: Apocalypse was a race-issue film, nor that Cameron Diaz can grudgingly be referred to as white, even though she’s not technically a 100% pure member of the Aryan race. Hell, I didn’t even realize that John Wayne was such a riddle wrapped in an enigma for having small feet and a penchant for Asian women. Thanks Hitler-lovin’, gay-bashin’, Bush-votin’, middle-American, white-dude douche-bags! I feel all enlightened now. Praise Jesus!

Wait, wasn’t he a Jew? Then fuck him.

Goosestep on over here if you want to know which movies currently playing are safe to take your precious white babies to.

In other news, Scott Taylor (as mentioned in my last entry) has written an account of his ordeal, confirming my opinion that Iraq is the number one vacation hotspot in the world today. Screw Disneyland. Book your ticket on the next crusade shipping off to this sunny Middle East dream destination. If you want thrills and chills, The Haunted Mansion and Space Mountain have nothing on multiple near-executions as you’re shuttled between enraged groups of martyr-mania insurgents. Make your reservation now and receive a free return airport taxi ride for you or your severed head. Luggage is extra.